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You might be asking yourself: whatever happened to Chuck Flick?

Well, nothing happened to him, if by “happen” you mean death or dismemberment. I went away for a time, that’s all. Maybe it was all the losing slot sessions during my slots experiments, but I just had to get my head clear. No real rehab time or anything like that. No religious conversions or losses of faith or anything that dramatic. As they say, Chuck Flick was living the life.

I didn’t entirely leave the slots community. I’ve continued writing about slots, off and on. In fact, I’ve done some stuff I’m really proud of.

ALL THE SLOT MACHINES IN THE WORLD

For instance, I did a little writing on a site called World Gambling Review. WGR covers all kinds of gambling in every single country in the world. Each of the 223 some-odd nation-states had their own page. Yes, gambling in Eritrea was covered. Gambling in Kyrgyzstan was covered. Even the immense gambling industry on Wallis and Futuna was covered.

You might ask, did Djibouti have its own gambling page? Yes. Oman? Tuvalu? Sao Tome and Principal?

Yes. Yes. And definitely yes.

Or you might be asking if those are really countries. Officially, they are, even though “Sao Tome” sounds like it would be the brother of former Academy Award-winning actress, Marisa Tomei.

Marisa will be starring in a movie about professional wrestling in the near future, by the way. Imaginatively enough, the movie is going to be called The Wrestler.

THE MOST INTERESTING SLOTS PLAYER IN THE WORLD

While I was writing on World Gambling Review, I had the pleasure of getting to know another imminent gambling writer: Reno Rollins.

Now, I’m telling you, Reno Rollins is one intense guy. Reno’s been everywhere and done just about everything (or everything that’s more or less legal, at least). Reno Rollins reminds me of that “Most Interesting Man in the World” guy from those beer commercials, except in a little more tragic way. Reno wrote about 2/3rds of the World Gambling Review, and I feel like he really lived gambling in those countries.

Of course, when I first heard about Reno coming onto the project, I thought, “Cool. I get to meet the guy from the old tv show, Renegade. I didn’t know Lorenzo Lamas liked slot machines.“

Still, I’m pretty sure Reno Rollins could drink Lorenzo Lamas under the table. Maybe even the Most Interesting Man in the World, too. Maybe.

I’ve also written about a million slot machine definitions for a site called Slotland. That was fun. Most of the slots terms on that site are mine. And when I say “mine”, I really mean mine. I feel like I kind of went crazy writing those slots terms. Gave a part of my soul and all that dramatic type stuff. Maybe that’s when I started to burn out on this whole slot machine craze thing.

It’s a blur. That part of my life…I try to block out…the horror.

THE SLOTS MOVIE

On the positive side, all this isolation and dwelling on the profound nature of slots has led to a new project. I’ve begun writing on a movie script for a slot machine movie: One-Armed Bandits.

Think about it. Hollywood has all these movies about poker and casinos starring Matt Damon. Heck, even blackjack gets a Kevin Spacey movie. So where’s the film love for slots?

Nowhere, that’s where. Somebody in our industry has to take matters into his own hands.

The obvious problem is that slots isn’t as dramatic. It’s about a player and a machine, not Matt Damon vs. some whacko Russian mobster. I guess you could go “Oceans 11″ and have a ragtag band of slots players decide to knock over a casino after their leader’s ex-wife hooks up with the slot casino’s owner. But, you know, that’s kind of been done before.

Or, I could go all-out science fiction and have the slot machine evolve into an evil artificial intelligence that’s bent on destroying the human race. Maybe some slots federation or cabal of casino operators has sent a slot machine player to our time from the future, to confront and destroy this evil slot machine.

Once again, that sounds a little too familiar for my tastes. Besides, the buying public might find the murderous RNG AI just a little bit outlandish. Just a little bit.

So I’ve decided to have slots be a plot device, a “convention” used to frame the story. One-Armed Bandits is going to be my “Crash”.

There’s this slots message board. All kinds of interesting characters hang out on the forum. They talk about progressive jackpots and the best edges and rip on Indian casinos all the time. Maybe they discuss online casinos to avoid or even the best places to play slots in the world — kind of like World Gambling Review.

Well, anyway, these people have their lives all over the world. One’s a professional gambler. One’s a corrupt cop. One’s an illegal immigrant. Another is in a loveless marriage. But you don’t know how these people connect to another another, because you don’t know that the guy on the slots forum named “Chonkyfire” is the cop, you see? Or the illegal immigrant woman is actually “Bruce54″.

These slots players’ lives intertwine, even though only the audience sees it. It’s profound, because they know one another, but they don’t really know one another. But still, they share a piece of their lives (their love of slots) with one another.

I imagine somone wins an Oscar out of this. John Patrick will have a cameo as a security guard. It’ll be great!

Or maybe with a name like “One-Armed Bandits”, I’ll just have four has-been gamblers get on chopper motorcycles and make a hilarious cross-country trip, playing slot machines and hooking up with the local (elderly) female slots zombies. It will be a feel-good comedy.

Or will it? Maybe I’ll have it be a comedy for half the movie, then the slot machine bikers end up killing someone in the hotel section of a Native American casino-resort. That’s when things get crazy. Turns out one of the slots players is a psycho.

Yeah…

Well, I know the name of the movie, at least…One-Armed Bandits.

Do you like it?

BUT BACK TO THE SLOT SYSTEMS

Anyway, I’ll get back to playing actual slot systems real soon. I’ll try to finish off the John Patrick systems before I move on to someone else. With the economy in the state it is, that’s probably going to be painful. But science often gives us answers we don’t seek, and would prefer to avert our eyes from. And, in the end, that’s what these slots sessions are: a scientific study of slots.

I’ll also see what’s up with Bill Stone these days. And Giancarlo Cappuccio, for that matter. Maybe those dudes have a new identity we can check up on.

That would be fun.
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If you want to learn how to win slots, then visit http://www.SlotMethod.com.

I wanted to take a second to discuss Bill Stone again. It seems like I’m always getting emails from people about this “Bill Stone” character. I’ve written about his ebooks here, so it’s natural that interested readers would reply about him.

It’s intersting, some readers have been confused. Because of the sometimes satirical nature of this blog, some readers tend to believe I’m affiliated with the Bill Stone advice empire. That isn’t the case. He really sucks and I suggest you avoid his con games.

There’s a far larger group of readers who contact me, asking for my help in getting their money back from Bill Stone. He promises a 60- or 90-day money back guarantee, I can’t remember which one. When people ask for their refund–and apparently a lot of people do–he ignores the request and doesn’t pay.

I got an email the other day from someone who didn’t get his crappy ebooks at all. The guy claimed he had been trying since “last year” to get his money back, but never get a reply. Unfortunately, there’s nothing I can do to help this fellow get his money back. Those 40 to 50 bucks are gone.

All I can say is, prevention is the best cure.

Bill Stone sells advice on how to win the lottery. He has an ebook about spotting fake magic. Not stage magic, mind you, but fake magic. He once sent me spam about exciting new secrets for winning sure money from an online casino he claimed to have hacked into. This email ended with him signing his name with the title “vice president” of the same casino he had supposedly hacked into.

That’s craziness, people. Don’t fall for it.

Anyway, on to a recap of my latest slots sessions. This is from the vault, I’m afraid, back when online gambling was legal. You know, back in the days when everything was cool. Here’s another installment of…Tales From Slot Systems.

My Down The Steps sessions were a real roller coaster ride. Using John Patrick’s methods for “grinding out small wins”, I plowed ahead for five mighty sessions comprising 263 individual wagers. Three of the five sessions rank among my largest ones yet. In other words, going down the steps was gruelling stuff. You wouldn’t think it would be.

Of my 263 wagers, 96 of them were wins. Of course, around half of those were simple break even “wins”, where I won no more than I bet on the pull. Four of my sessions were losers. One was a big winner.

So what do I have to show for my efforts? -$1.95.

The money in my account when I started these sessions was $578.41. The money when I ended was $576.46. So I lost a buck ninety-five.

THE LOWDOWN ON “DOWN THE STEPS”

You know, that’s not so bad if you look at it as entertainment dollars. It’s cheaper than the cost of a premium Blockbuster rental. So I’m not complaining as a man who might have been looking for the thrill of a wager. As a student of the gambling science, I’m a little disappointed.

I’m supposed to grind out small wins. Instead, I grounded out small losses. That isn’t what John Patrick promised.

In fact, my data would show that you almost never have small wins, but instead get lucky on one spins that makes up for all the small losing sessions you’re having. Losing four out of five sessions is about standard. The wins on that fifth one almost make up for the losses on the other four. “Grinding out small wins” has not been my experience.

I’m certain John would say I’m not following his advice perfectly or something. He might even say my body of evidence is too small and that we are still within the standard deviation. That’s all true, but I’m still right on this one.

The house has an edge. Some gamblers will win. Most will lose. In the end, you are pushing a button or pulling a lever. There is nothing (within the rules) you can do to increase the odds the jackpot will come up.

WHY SLOTS IS DIFFERENT

You can increase your odds playing poker. You can find games of blackjack and video poker in which you have a break even odds, or even a very slight advantage. I’m afraid you’re not going to find slot machines with the same advantages.

I mean, know which machines give better odds than others. Know which jackpots to play and all that stuff. But I never read any of that in John Patrick’s Slots. John Patrick’s money management might save you a little money if you have trouble controlling yourself, but it won’t teach you how to win.

John Patrick sells hope, not the secrets to success.
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If you want to learn how to win slots, then visit http://www.SlotMethod.com.

Question: Do I owe income taxes on slot machine winnings?

Answer: Yes.

You owe income taxes anytime you collect income, which includes gambling winnings. The good news is that you can also deduct the money you spent gambling. But you can only deduct your spending up to the amount of your winnings.

Federal income tax laws require casinos to withhold income taxes anytime you hit a jackpot amounting to over $1,199.00. The casino will send you a 1099 form to report with your filing.

This withholding only applies per jackpot, and not cumulative winnings across multiple games.

Because most people don’t keep track of how much money they put into a slot machine, you need to get yourself a player’s card for the casino you’re playing at. The player’s card will keep track of how much money you spent, and earned. You can simply call up the casino, give them the number on your player’s card, and they’ll send you a paper report of what you spent and earned.

The paper report, of course, will also show the winnings that amounted to less than $1,199, meaning the IRS will tax you on every penny you won. But at least you can offset that with the money you spent.

If anything, it’s good idea to play with a player’s card just in case you hit a big jackpot.

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If you want to learn how to win slots, then visit http://www.SlotMethod.com.